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A good job ad for a good job

Company Description

Buttpimple International is a globally anal executive services company operating in over 40 countries. We advise people on queefing, rimming, fisting, defecating and urinating on web developer startups and their representatives all over the world. What sets Buttpimple apart is not what we defecate on, but when and how we do it. Shitting on a cunt's head at 5 in the morning as opposed to 6 in the afternoon has a tremendous impact on queef client outcomes. We piss and shit differently and are truly enterprising in all matters of international queefing. Buttpimple is the company where creative and entrepreneurial pissers and shitters with high levels of lethal ass gas choose to make a difference to web developer startups the world over.

Job Description

Our Queef Butt Advisory Division is situated within the wider Butthole Occupier enterprise, which boasts an unrivalled array of queefing and weaponised defecation services, buoyed by the highly effective Piss On A Cunt (POAC) model, which allows Buttpimple to consistently meet our clients' international queefing needs.

We are currently looking for an International Queef Liaison Representative to join our absolutely deplorable national business at the Senior Queef Executive level in our Moscow team.

Key responsibilities include:

- Ensure the company receives new defamation suits daily
- Working closely with other Queef Services products and slapping managers in the face with both soft and hard dildos every morning.
- Working resiliently and efficiently to destroy working relationships with vendors and internal stakeholders, diminishing Buttpimple's reputation in the marketplace on a daily basis
- Developing and implementing strategies to foster a highly toxic working environment
- Queefing on clients, visitors and internal stakeholders

This role offers you the ideal opportunity to build your profile with an established International Queefing business. You will be supported in your efforts by bullying managers, toxic team members, a completely clueless leadership team and a top-performing Queef Services brand. Your wilful disregard for Buttpimple and all that it stands for will assist you in fostering complete public disdain for Buttpimple both locally and on the international stage.


To be considered, you will bring the following expertise to this role:

- Highly disorganised, undisciplined, illiterate and highly insensitive to clients' needs
- Absolutely no understanding whatsoever of anything, really (you've got to be a Real Dumb Cunt)
- Non-existent relationship management skills (you'll be extremely antisocial and strive to achieve unfavourable client outcomes)
- Proven ability to destroy a company both financially and reputation-wise within approximately three months after commencement
- Highly motivated to drive Buttpimple into the ground and create as many lawsuits as possible
- Assaulting fellow employees in daily meetings, pissing on managers from behind as they eat lunch
- Flinging faeces at potential clients and visitors to the office

We look forward to receiving your absolutely useless and laughable resume today!


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